As told by the Snitch
by Mary Kells
Summary: The story of Snow White, as told by the snitch... otherwise known as the most disgruntled dwarf who has a bit of a Napoleon complex. Fairly short read. Feedback please!


As Told By the Snitch

Every god damn telling of the story never gets the language right. Actually I don't think they have ever gotten a single word I've said right; usually they just have me mumbling or grumbling and not really talking at all. I guess the fountain of profanities which customarily spouts from my mouth doesn't belong in children's fairy tales. I'll show them a fairy. See what I mean?

The language isn't the only thing that is not historically accurate in the story, but then again there are lots of things most people don't know. Like the six guys I live with, yeah, they aren't my brothers. We might all look remotely alike, same deformed stature and features, but the relation is only skin deep. There isn't a drop of blood shared between us. Although, I'm pretty sure there are some other bodily fluids occasionally exchanging hands. Yeah, remember my comment about fairies? Well, who am I to judge… We decided a long time ago to follow the 'don't ask don't tell' philosophy and I don't belong to the fairy camp so they leave me out.

We live together much in the same way lepers do. We were a colony, an isolated camp set aside so we couldn't infect the general population with potential shortness. That's why our pathetic house was in the middle of the forbidden woods. Christ, that's why the woods were forbidden.

We've been here for years; some, like Doc, much older than others. At one point there were 20 of us, but several have died out. We have a tendency to die young. It's been about 15 years now since anyone had joined our little house, the last one being that dumb guy who doesn't talk. I wonder if we have been forgotten by now; no new additions, never any visitors, nary a word. We continue through our day going to work in the mines on the edge of the forest and returning before night. On occasion we will saunter into town but are often met with slammed shutters and doors, not a word uttered. No one wanted to end up with our puny stature if it was contagious and no one wanted their daughters saddled up with our shortness between her thighs.

Oh! That was my favorite. I've know a few fathers in their time were surprised to find their children born looking nothing like them but the mother's always in denial. That's the benefit of looking like a magical creature- sneak in at night and any _experienced_ dame would spread their legs, but that's beside the point. This story isn't about these wide legged dames, no - it's about one girl. One particularly sweet, creamy skinned, chastity belt wearing, lark singing girl who just happened into our home one day when we were out. But- I'm getting ahead of myself.

Back to my _brothers_, as that is what we call each other. As I mentioned, we are of no relation so it is more in a fraternal nature. Yes, that's right - Little short mutated frat brothers. There's a natural pecking order here, the oldest and tallest (by a half an inch all around I've been told) being the leader and everyone else falling in line behind. I've never been much for being part of a crowd or falling in line so I'm always happy to step to the end when it came to any responsibility.

Of course, what would you expect to happen when you've got seven perpetual bachelors living in a house? Damn right- it's a disaster. For a while Doc, again - that's the oldest, had insisted on some sort of chore rotation- it worked well and good for a short while and would always start up again when ever there was a new boy thrown into the mix, but it never lasted long. In the end we all went about our ways, fending for ourselves in the house; piling moldy dishes higher than we could reach and happy in our own stink. Bashful was always washing his bed sheets in the river, which surprised the hell out of me because he'd wear the same pants for 5 days straight, but perhaps he had other reasons. Beyond that there was hardly a clean surface in the place. We'd wake in the morning, eat with our hands, return at night scrounge something warm and hit the hay. I know, quiet the life huh? Hell, we didn't know any other way. I don't remember where I was before our colony. I don't even know how long I've been here-two decades, maybe three? Time just passes by and unless someone kicks the bucket it all seems to go unnoticed. Even in a place like this where we are practically on top of each other it was easy to go unnoticed.

That's how I ended up in the queen's service. No…Not servicing the queen, although I would have loved a go at that, but working for her. See the king died years ago, I'm not exactly sure when but as I think back on it perhaps it was shortly after the dumb guy got here and maybe his death is the reason we were forgotten. Strangely enough, the king died only a year after he married the queen. Ever since the king's death the land has been in turmoil, or at least that's what I've been led to believe- not much effects the forbidden forest. It appears his darling second wife had a hand in the dark stuff (magic that is) and possibly the cause of his death. It was believed she also had a gripe against his youngest child, and only daughter. The 3 son's were easy for her dispose of; she sent them off to be married to princesses in neighboring kingdoms. Some were direct cousins to the three princes I've heard, that's disguising even by my standards. They were all of a marrying age I've been told, although one barely so. Can you imagine- wed at the age of ten? I bet he cried in the wedding bed.

The daughter, though, was another story. She was only 2 when her father died and so needed to be raised until the proper age for a maiden to be married, but the queen was impatient and wanted her out of the way, I'm not sure exactly why- I mean what harm could one child do? Still, that one sniveling baby had the ear of the entire kingdom and made the people even more resentful towards the Queen. She kept her locked up, of course, inside the castle walls, for her own protection it was said but we know it was to prevent a revolution.

That's where I came in. Everyone knows about the queen and her mirror, but no one ever knows about how the mirror gathers its information. That's right. I'm a snitch… in addition to being short. I've came to terms with it pretty quickly, the snitch part that is- I still am bitter about being short. Her man found me one day hopping out the window of the shoemaker's house where I was ah… visiting his wife. It was simple, I keep my eyes and ears open for any rebellion and report anything suspicious using this little girly compact mirror, in exchange they would leave my (and several other peoples wives') indiscretions alone and my forest undisturbed.

As I said, it was simple. I continued about my ways; working with my brothers during the day, sneaking to another's bed at night, and just keeping an ear out in-between for a rumor or two. There was always a few things to report; a expected visit from a prince, a potential pitchfork parade to the keep, villagers talking about the fair beauty of the growing princess, but nothing that ever got out of hand or wasn't extinguished before it really started. My brothers of course, in the forbidden forest, were never the wiser. I caught the smiley one once with the mirror- but snatched it away before he had a chance to open it, I grumbled for him to keep is fucking grubby paws to himself. He just gave me a big toothy grin which I promptly smacked off his face. The side work made my mundane life just a little more interesting, something to look forward to I guess- it's not like I was killing anyone or anything, so I couldn't see any harm in that and eventually all the hubbub died down and there wasn't anything new to report. I still did my job though and kept an ear out and the Queen's man made sure or forest was relatively undisturbed.

I say relatively, because I doubted he had much to do with the girl showing up at the time. She just showed up one day while we were out. We came home from the mine and found her there, sleeping in Bashful's bed, having already tidied up our mess, like some demented Goldie locks that got the story wrong. But she wasn't Goldie locks, her hair was black as night and skin as smooth and pale as silk. You would almost believe she was a vampire if you believed in that kind of thing. Only she showed up during daylight so she couldn't be right?

We frightened her of course, when she awoke. She tumbled head over heels out of the bed her skirt flying over as well exposing her backside, which was oddly contained in some form of torture device. Torture for me that is, not her. She immediately smoothed herself down and went about introductions.

Margaret, she said her name was, as we each took a turn to make a presence. I had never seen the brothers so flustered, it seemed for all my wooing most of them had never seen a girl never mind bedding a woman. Doc was so pleased at her presence and at the state of the house he extended the invitation to stay without putting it up for the expected vote. I tried to protest, "Where the hell is she going to sleep?" I began- but everyone else was too eager to 'share' their bed. No matter my argument it seemed I was outnumbered, and then she began to cook. She cooked a fucking feast, and I ask ya, who could say no to that? Then she started cleaning up the place even more. By the time she was done I couldn't even recognize the colors on the wall it has been so long.

The iron panties were enough of a deterrent not to try to get between her knees, but that didn't prevent me from making her blush. Which I might add happened way too easily. Strangely innocent, that girl was. I hate to say it but she's make a good mother the way she took care of us. She had a real knack for it and I began to wonder who didn't care enough for her that she could come live with us, disappearing without another thought.

I snuck out one night, after being taunted enough by her looks for a week. I was in need of some actual relief so I sought out the baker's wife. She was always eager for a quick go while her husband snored in his bed. She eagerly let me inside and spread her legs. It was quick, if there's anything to be said about that, but she seemed just as pleased. I did up my pants and headed for the door when she threw me a loaf wrapped in newspaper. This was our typical routine; payment for service, if you know what I mean. Margaret would be pleased was my first thought on the bread and then I cursed the girl for weaseling her way into my head once again. I glanced down at the loaf and that was when I noticed the picture below the headline. "Princess Presumed Missing." The photo was of her father, the former king. Apparently the princess had never taken a photo. His hair was shockingly black even in the black ink and his featured looking too familiar for my own liking; me, not being the type to have ever met the king.

_Well fuck me_ I declared to myself when I finally realized who she was. Of course she was that princess, just look at her- I don't know if it was possible for anyone to be any fairer and who else would force that chastity contraption but the queen. Surly she thought some squire would try to screw her behind the drapes and needed to insure her innocence. I immediately booked out of the village, through the forest, to the house and up to my room to report the find. I flipped open the mirror and encountered the reflection of the queen's man. He didn't believe me at first, so I swiftly brought the mirror down stairs and stood by the bookshelf where I could hold it up for him to see for himself. There she was standing before the sink doing the dishes with six short creatures resting their elbows in the table behind her. "What the hell is she doing here?" I asked him in as much of a whisper as I could muster.

He was grinding his teeth "I could ask you the same thing."

"How the hell should I know?" I had burst out "Shouldn't she be locked up in the tower or something?" Doc glanced in my direction from where he was admiring her backside and I just shirked grabbing the closest book "Really interesting… this ahh... Rupunzel chick" He smiled and went back to his work.

The queen's man had settled down by then too, but I could notice him rubbing his forehead in agitation. That made me even less comfortable. "Alright." He said "Just…just try to keep her there and I'll tell the queen. We'll send someone out for her."

"Sure." I replied and quickly closed the mirror before I got caught again.

It wasn't long after that, maybe two days, when the first accident happened but I couldn't have been too sure it was related. It seemed while we were slaving away in the mines. Some gypsy woman came by with some goods and Margaret for some reason purchased this god-awful colored bodice. This is what she told us after of course, when we returned home we found her sprawled out on the floor just inside the door, the laces being tied so tight she collapsed just after the bitch had left. It didn't seem too suspicious to me though, I mean gypsies didn't necessarily know the forest was forbidden and I never really understood woman's fashions. My brothers didn't even ask as I quickly was able to remove the garment, they didn't even know how to approach the thing with all its laces and buckles. The girl immediately gasped and awoke once air could get into her lungs. I grimaced when she smiled at me and trudged away from the commotion.

Like I said, I wasn't suspicious after that, but when a week later there was another accident I began to have my doubts. First, no one had come out for her as the Queen's man promised and I kept wondering why. I had contacted him the night before and asked when they could be expected, he seemed completely shocked that she was still here and I griped "Where the hell else would she be."

The next day we returned from a day's work to find her unconscious outside the door for a change. Well, that, I guess you could say, made it all click and bristled my feathers. Not that I cared a thing for her, but I didn't want to get left with a body and I didn't know what they intended anyway. Doc quickly rushed to her and did an assessment. Did I ever mention why we called him Doc? Well, this would be why. He checked her breathing and pulse first, which was shallow and rapid. He examined her head next, running his fingers through her hair to her scalp looking for any bumps. He found a pricy little treasure comb dug in, which none of us had seen before. It seemed to be embedded right into her skull. He quickly yanked the sucker out and just as last time she gasped and awoken.

They all doted over her for the rest of the night, and we had to fend for dinner ourselves, Doc claiming she was in too fragile of a state. Bashful and the dumb one took up to the kitchen emerging with something that resembled pig slop, not that we wouldn't have eaten it in the past but we were all beginning to grow accustom to her cooking. She spilled out her day, claiming an old blind woman had stopped by with the comb as a gift and placed it in her hair. Stupid princess, who the hell gives gifts like that! Some choice words left my mouth and she flushed in embarrassment. Doc placed a hand on my shoulder to settle me down and I shrugged it off and paced back to the bookshelf. Everyone around the room looked generally concerned if not frightened for this pitiful daft girl. Doc grabbed her chin where she sat and forced her eyes to bore into his. "You are not to open that door." He gestured to it with his head. "From now on…" he spoke to all the brothers "we'll have a guard duty added to the rotation."

I decided then not to report back to the Queen's man, I was out. Let them figure it out on their own; my brothers would have had my head if they knew I had anything to do if something actually happened to Margaret. Not that I really cared what they thought.

The guard duty rotation went on uninterrupted for a couple of weeks. One of us would always stay behind, keep watch from a cross the clearing of our house while Margaret stayed inside. She never dared open the door, but she would often lean through an open window to catch some fresh air. One afternoon she leaned so far out her breasts nearly fell out of her shirt I felt like slamming the window on her head but I don't think she even knew we were there. She wasn't one to taunt or tease us like that. It was only when she thought she was alone that she turned into a little innocent freak. No wonder she went for the bodice. I caught her on occasion rolling around in our beds, smelling the sheets and dancing in her underwear as she swept the floor, gyrating her iron encasement against the broom. Let's just say I had to relieve myself of my own personal situation that time.

With no excitement, besides her underwear the thrill of guard duty quickly wore off, like our other chores. We each found ways to amuse ourselves; whether wanking off- as I mentioned, or reading a book our attention wasn't as carefully placed across that clearing. Something else was bound to go wrong and of course it did…One afternoon, when that stupid narcoleptic had guard duty.

I dunno how the hell the queen found out. I mean... I didn't tell her man. I buried that stupid mirror under my mattress hoping it would crack. But sure enough, one day we trudge home to find her lying limp on the floor with the smell of sickly sweet apples on her lips. That stupid bastard woke when he heard a thud, a second too late to do anything about it.

Doc checked her. She still had a pulse, she was still taking a shallow breath but she wouldn't wake up. He checked her mouth for some residual but nothing came out. The instrument of destruction had rolled out of her reach and it was obvious she had taken only one dainty bite so that stuff must have been potent. He couldn't manage to raise her so I decided to give it a try with the hardest backhand I could muster. It did nothing but leave a red welt on her pretty face, which made me even angrier. This wasn't my fault. It should have been, but it wasn't and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it but clean up that fucking bitches mess. I'd kill the queen if I could.

My brothers quickly made a grab for me before I could do any more damage, but I shrugged them off and stalked away. I went back to the mine in the pitch black of night to get back to work and lose myself. Morning crested and I continued to work, although my brothers never showed up at their usual time. I kept trudging on, kept chinking away harder and faster until exhaustion set in and I sat right down on the floor.

Doc came then. Telling me none of the other brothers would leave the house… they just sat there waiting for her to wake is if it would be that easy that they could fucking will her to wake. He thought I was the only one who could reason with them. So I did what any practical person would do if their loved one was in a coma. I pulled the proverbial plug and acted as if she were dead. They would have to mourn and move on if she were dead right?

With Doc's help I built a casket. Of course she was still too stunning not to look at; so we make it out of glass, trimmed in apple wood (if that wasn't the icing on the cake), with a solid stone base. You know, looking back, I guess even I couldn't face the idea of her being really dead. There are only a few things that are set in stone, the most solid of those being an epitaph; so, when it came time for me to carve the letters into the base, I couldn't manage to write her name and the blasted date, I definitely couldn't bring myself to carve Rest in Peace. I simply carved the words I had heard so often from the village.

_Margaret, __Always __the __Fairest of Them All_

As if we needed more reminders. As if it would pursued and passerby to stop. As if her death might not be final. But of course it wasn't.

And so the story continued, well past what we thought was the end. Somehow a prince happened by, what he was doing in the forbidden forest a mystery to me. I mean- it's not like I went looking for him…. The only prince _not _related to our beauty within 5 days journey. What a mess that could have been. We couldn't have even guessed what would happen when he came to her, but doc just kind of had a hunch and a hunch was all it took.

It took him a little longer to arrive than he should, not that I was impatient. I mean… she wasn't going anywhere. She was dead. And he was in the forbidden forest for no reason. So when you're in the forbidden forest why wouldn't you do what was forbidden, right? Like kiss a corpse. That's exactly what he did. He kissed her smack on the lips and then carried her away without a word and that was the end of that.

I never found out if she woke up… I hope she did. My brothers all went on like she did and she lived in some castle with the prince; a fate somehow better than her tragic stupid death.

Things changed in our little house that was for sure. I broke the mirror. Chores were kept up. Sleepy even tried harder to stay awake. No one wanted to disappoint Margaret if she ever came back. As if she ever could. As if she found a happier ever after ending and was just waiting for the right point to share it with us.

As if I could believe in things like that.


End file.
